When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!
A policeman arrested two kids on bonfire night. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other one off.
A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse? So she won't shit on the street during a parade.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.