A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.
Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case.
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir,
I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.
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What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it;
"Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police.
The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?"
"Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here!
Cop: Okay, calm down.
Where are you?
Blonde: The cemetery!
Cop: *facepalm*
The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out.
A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you.
If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.
But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
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