Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
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What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common?
They both get harder the longer you play with them.
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass.
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad.
His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000."
He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".
"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."
He did and came back and said, "She said yes."
And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."
He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"
And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"
What do you give the princess who has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
One day a mom and her son went to the zoo.
There they saw two monkeys having sex.
The son asked "What are they doing?".
The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said.
Later that night he saw there mom doing it.
In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"