Joke #658

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom...

Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.

A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female. "The female has two breasts and one vagina. The male has one penis." A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong. "My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes Mommy's teeth with!"

Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."

Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”

Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean? A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!" Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.

"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"