Joke #964

I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
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Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
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My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
Vote: has 75.60 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

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What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
Vote: has 56.73 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

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A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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