Joke #6851

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
Vote:
has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: old people

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
Vote:
has 20.57 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: old people, work
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote:
has 76.16 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband. "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Vote:
has 85.25 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: old people
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
Vote:
has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, old people
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, old people
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.
Vote:
has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: cop, old people, travel, wife, work
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida. At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going. He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida. The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for. The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months. The customs officer then asks where they were coming from. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from. The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton. The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of ass he ever had. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
Vote:
has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, couple, dating, old people, travel
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Vote:
has 82.24 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, old people
An old lady has asked her priest: "please, tell me, what do you think, will I go after my death to Heaven or to Hell?" Because the priest has heard this question already at least million times before, so he has decided to tell the old lady the last and final answer, so he has asked her: "and do you still have your own teeth?" The old lady has said: "no, I have only a dental plate." The priest has told her: "now, you can see, now, you can see, you will go surely to Heaven because in Hell you can hear only crying and gnashing of the teeth."
Vote:
has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: heaven, old people, priest
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
Vote:
has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: old people