Are you free on Sunday? The director asks his secretary. Yes, sir. Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Why Coffee Is Better Than Women: - A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. - You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. - You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m. - You can make coffee as sweet as you want. - You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long. - No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. - Coffee doesn't talk to you. - Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise. - Coffee stains are easier to remove. - Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less. - When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away. - When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat. - Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open. Just then another man flies by him, going UP. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes? The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell!