While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.
Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.
The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.
His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."
The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."
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Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?
A: Cucumber, dirty people.
Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
Vote:
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
Boy: you left this at my house last night
Girl: that aint mine
Boy : sorry number 32 I thought you were someone else
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty.
She's not wearing any clothes.
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body.
More humiliating?
It was attached to my left breast.