A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job? A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"