Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."