Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.
The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
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Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
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An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
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