Joke #6968

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!" Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. "Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower. In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole. So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?" Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"

Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan. The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?" The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA." The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off." The man answers, "Yes!" The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre. When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers "Duke!" and sits back down. "Great!" he thought. "They really think it's the dog!" So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke!" and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!"

What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?

A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."