A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
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An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's.
The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there.
"I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here."
The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds."
The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
Vote:
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues:
-A lawyer is the freest creature in the world.
He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"
So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy.
The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason.
The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"
The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train.
The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says:
"In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..."
Saying this, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it.
All the others are quite impressed.
The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, unwraps one, lights it, and begins to smoke, saying:
"In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar, and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..."
Saying that he opens the window and throws the pack of Havanas through it.
Once again, everybody is quite impressed.
At this point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.