A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,
"I would like to see a bikini that fits me."
Clerk, "me too..."
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Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'.
Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, ''But they are twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club.
If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Q: Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."
The man says "Oh is that where the job is?"
The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."