Joke #5043

A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."
Vote: has 71.72 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

How fast can a women drive? 68 mph. If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: travel, women
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
Vote: has 84.35 % from 577 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, phone, wife, women
Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. The doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. The woman replied, snorting pepper.
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
Warning ladies! Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY". This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men, sex, women
One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman. The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"
Vote: has 79.06 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, church, teen, women
A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note: Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied 2) that there was plenty of heat 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home. Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlady!
Vote: has 81.22 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, men, money, women
It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honour." Testified the man charged with indecent exposure. "Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge. "Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman... So I showed her."
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, lawyer, women
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Vote: has 74.45 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women