Joke #5043

A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."

The woman opposite the road from me called me a pervert earlier, I don't know why! Knowing she likes bird watching I asked her if she'd like to come over and have a look at my twelve finches.

Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly... On a broomstick. We're flexible like that.

Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.

A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."

Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?" The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"