Joke #5043

A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: women

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
Vote:
has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
Vote:
has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: car, food, women
A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her. He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee. When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one. He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law. She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead." "How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired. She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."
Vote:
has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: family, life, mother in law, wedding, women
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Vote:
has 55.84 % from 715 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, women
A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream? The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".
Vote:
has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: women
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Vote:
has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, men, single, ugly, women
Lady goes to her doc. "Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm farting and farting. The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type. The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
Vote:
has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: women
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Man 1: Haircut? Man 2: Yeah.
Vote:
has 81.85 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: women
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
Vote:
has 78.17 % from 416 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, women, work
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: horse, internet, single, women