MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!
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There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Kamasutra says:
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest.
She was very good at identifying the wine.
At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed.
At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed.
Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her.
She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!"
And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.
"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day."
"That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.