How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
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The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.
His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support.
At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.
Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one.
Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.
At 8:55 Mary walks into the office.
"I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off."
"Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
Why are all jokes about women one-liners?
So men can understand them.
Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the little amount of time you're inside them.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.