Joke #2631

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
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How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
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Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
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What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

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A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."
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Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
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A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. "Right, you Jimmy," he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate!" "But..." stammers the driver. "Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!" So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn"t take him long. "Right!" snarls the Highlander. "Du it agin, now!" So the driver does it again. "Right laddie, du it agin!" demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. "Du it again!" says the Highlander. "I can"t do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!" whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, "All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?"
Vote: has 60.69 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
Vote: has 66.62 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

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What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."
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