Joke #751

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

The young police recruit was asked.. "What would you do if you were sent to arrest your mother?" His reply.... "Call for backup."

"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."

All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: "You were speeding." Man: "No, I wasn’t." Officer: "Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket." Man: "But I wasn’t speeding." Officer: "Tell that to the judge!" (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: "Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?" Officer: "Yes, you would." Man: "What if I just thought that you were?" Officer: "I can’t give you a ticket for what you think." Man: "Fine, I think you’re a jerk!"

An usher at a movie theatre notices a customer laying across three seats near the back of the theatre. He tells the customer that he can only take up one seat. The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes. The usher goes to get his supervisor who also tells the customer he must only take one seat or he will call the police. Once again the customer justs moans and rolls his eyes. The supervisor calls the police, who come and tell the customer that he has been told by the usher and the manager to sit up and that he can only take up one seat. "What's wrong with you?" they ask. The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes. The police officer asks the man "Where did you come from?" The man lifts a hand in the air, and says "the balcony"...

How is a police car like a women? It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.