Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.