Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg? Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn't know if he was coming or going.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A: A private tooter.
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.