A guy walks into a store.
He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand.
In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap.
He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another.
The elephants were connected trunk to tail.
They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000.
B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: He Married Her
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!
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What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
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What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
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