A guy walks into a store.
He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand.
In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap.
He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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Similar jokes
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
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What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the
whole chicken.
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A: A belly button between her boobs.
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!
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Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar?
They are both stuck up cunts.
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