Joke #8048

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician standing at the top of a slide. The magician said, "You may each go down the slide and ask for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide, you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Beer!" He landed in a glass of beer. The second man went down yelling, "Lemonade!" He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy man down the slide yelling, "Wee!"

A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits. Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me." The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a ballerina?" "Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina."

Fart Glossary: ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas. ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink. ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse. TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out. BEER FARTS= These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer. JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape. DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it. GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it. HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one. SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes. TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'. OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells. BRAIN FART= You need to fart, but nothing comes out. ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp. NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!" U.F.O. FART= When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".

Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."

A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."

Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."

A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."

What’s sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding.

Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!