Joke #652

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer

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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
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has 85.25 % from 291 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
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has 71.12 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, food, military
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, beer
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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has 77.78 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris