Joke #8241

Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
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has 59.34 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, jewish, morbid

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This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
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has 84.91 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, morbid, travel
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
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has 83.88 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, prison, women
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t. The pig was killed. The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. “What happened?” asked the President. “Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.” “My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President. The driver replied: “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”
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has 83.41 % from 359 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, celebrity, death, political
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
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has 82.48 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, ethnic, morbid, travel
In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
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has 81.65 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, women
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
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has 81.48 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, political
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken.
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has 81.41 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, morbid
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
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has 80.45 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, music
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
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has 79.98 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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has 79.32 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, relationship, work