What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The AIDS team.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50.
The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?"
His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive."
The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot.
The couple climbs in the helicopter.
The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter.
The couple never made a sound.
The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides."
The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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