How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
What do u call a black priest? Holy shit.
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews have 10 fingers.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!