Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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Two kids were talking together.
First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands."
Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?"
First: "Yes, of course."
Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home."
"That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?"
"How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father.
"That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
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