Joke #914

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.

Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."

"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.

A man and his son went into a store. The kid picked a USA flag and told his dad: "Dad, I want this flag." The man tells him: "Nah, this looks too bright. Check if it's available in a different color."