Joke #9433

Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
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has 49.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: sex

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I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, money, sex, time
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy? A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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has 76.32 % from 899 votes. More jokes about: sex
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
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has 73.70 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: desert island, friendship, sex, time, travel
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
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has 75.51 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, women
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's Day.
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has 67.05 % from 447 votes. More jokes about: black people, Fathers day, kids, sex
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
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has 71.29 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
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has 47.05 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet? A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, internet, sex