Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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My girlfriend used to fake foreplay.
A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn.
He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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