Joke #9433

Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
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Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
Vote: has 79.57 % from 1404 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn and it really worked. I’m really beginning to fancy those rhinos now.
Vote: has 38.50 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
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"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Vote: has 73.38 % from 814 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex, wife
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Vote: has 60.01 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
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Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.’ Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’
Vote: has 62.36 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
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Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, men, sex, women
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: desert island, friendship, sex, time, travel
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Vote: has 65.00 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, death, sex, time, weather