Joke #95

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having sex on the bench. The little girl asked her mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?" The mom was blushing and replied, "Oh their making cakes." The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having sex. The little girl asked again, "Mommy, what are they doing?" Again the mother replied, "Oh their making cakes." The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, "Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night." The mom was frightened and asked, "How did you know?" The little girl replied, "I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!"

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Her wedding cake.

Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."

What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs? He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.

My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer. I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?" I said, "It's for sound effects during sex." He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?" I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."

The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’ The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’