Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them. George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon". Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"