Joke #9502

Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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has 52.65 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money

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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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has 83.81 % from 651 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, money, wife
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.
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has 80.42 % from 465 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
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has 80.18 % from 541 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 78.17 % from 215 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, money, teen
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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has 78.08 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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has 75.05 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mexican, money, work
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's? He always burns the franks.
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has 74.82 % from 260 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money