What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !
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What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
What kind of whale flies?
Pilot whales.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found.
He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole.
The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!”
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.”
And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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