What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Put him in a tight jumper !
Where do Danish cows come from? Cowpenhagenf.
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."