Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA?
It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
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Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys."
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
"That was amazing," exclaimed the coach.
"I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?"
"Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
We must admit that we want to be like some animals.
We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.