Joke #4569

Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
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What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales.
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Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
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A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
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Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
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Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
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Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
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