Had a fight with an erection this morning.
I beat it single handedly.
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.”
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”
So the woman asked, “Is this a record?”
To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage.
What will they use to set those guidelines?
A growth chart.
During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor, Dr. UK, Steve, and a French doctor, Dr. Myrddin, were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
"Only last week," Dr. Myrddin said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd, "Dr. UK Steve exclaimed, "It couldn't have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn't be able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied Dr. Myrddin.
"I was talking about the flavour!"
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.