Joke #991

Had a fight with an erection this morning. I beat it single handedly.
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has 85.39 % from 656 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
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has 78.93 % from 223 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, dirty, doctor, women
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fat, vulgar, Yo mama
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
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has 35.37 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
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has 76.78 % from 580 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.
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has 80.49 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sport, women
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity? A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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has 55.78 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, religious, sex
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
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has 68.18 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, easter, sex
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
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has 61.35 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, redneck, sex, stupid