Joke #991

Had a fight with an erection this morning. I beat it single handedly.

boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)

"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"

Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.

A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her. The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."

Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.

Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom? No? Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox? A: Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie!

A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest. The young boy says, "I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?! I have to walk out of here alone!"

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."