Had a fight with an erection this morning.
I beat it single handedly.
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Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick?
A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
Three men were caught for murder on same day.
Very next day they were produced in the court.
After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch.
It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone.
After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes.
Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish.
First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing.
He is lashed 500 times all over his body.
He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness.
When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me."
Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes.
Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish.
He looked around.
He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot.
He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "
Can I dock my rocket at your space station?
Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?
A: Well hung.
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day.
The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever.
People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground."
The banana says "You think thats bad?
People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor."
The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy.
You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?
Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.
What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end.
A toothbrush with toothpaste