Q: What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A: A pecking order.
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.
I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song.
It gives me time to change the radio station.
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!"
"Why?"
"Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No"
"So, it was you!"
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants.
So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader.
Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says
"This is the last time I ask earthling!"
Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker".
Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM!
A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away.
As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?"
The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."