Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She’s gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say...
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
Q: What is height of forgetfulness?
A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.
The preacher's wife is shocked.
The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?"
His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher.
The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home.
She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo.
At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham."
The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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