Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
Vote:
If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven.
There is a brouhaha.
Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem.
Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls.
It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.
The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.
"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
If you can't say something nice, say it in French.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!