Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
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I really do have a soft spot for my MIL.
It's out in the garden behind the garage.
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When we moved to the US I was 8 years old.
I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance?
When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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How to speak Irish:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked
Say them all quickly.
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You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
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Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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Q: Why did the Republican cross the road?
A: There was a black guy on the first side.
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A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard.
"Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked.
"Can you describe it?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
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Joke has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, geography, stupid, weather
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock?
Oh wait... Twilight
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.