Joke #11684

Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.

I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.

There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.

-How is Ruth? -Not sure. I broke up with her last month. -Oh no. You're so Ruthless. -And how long have you been waiting to use that? -I'd rather not say.

You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.

Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!

Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.

Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why? A: The Scorpions. Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck." "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off." "My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?" "Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye." "My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?" "No, that was the first day I had my hook."

What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.