Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped her.
Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
When Chuck Norris visits Egypt, the sand didn't burn his feet, his feet burnt the sand, hence the discovery of glass.
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.
In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.