The best little Johnny jokes

Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries! Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
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has 66.37 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, marriage
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?" Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
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has 66.28 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: fart, little Johnny, teacher
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention. "If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?" Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
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has 66.23 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors: "I ain't had no fun in months" "Now, how should I correct this sentence." "Get a new boyfriend," said Little Johnny.
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has 65.52 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
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has 65.29 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, vulgar
One day the teacher was asking the class about there weekends. She asked sue, "how was your weekend?" "Good." Then little Johnny waved his hand "me, me, me." Finally giving in said, "what did you do this weekend?" "I rode in my wagon pulled by my dog and hit a steep hill. The wagon started going faster than the dog and the handle went up his ass." "Rectum is the word you're looking for," she says. "Rectum," said Johnny, "da man near killed him."
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Johnny asked his mom how to deal with a girl at school who liked him a lot. His mom told him to find out how she really feels. Johnny asked how to do this and his mom told him to beat around the bush. Johnny then said, "what, just like you and dad do??"
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has 65.05 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Mother, "Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you'll get kids who will be very naughty to you!" Johnny, "Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, haven't you?"
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has 64.93 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
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has 64.50 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Passing an office building late one night, a little Johnny saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.” He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The old, uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well,” he snarled at the kid, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself…?”
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has 64.40 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
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