Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card." A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks. His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?" Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!" The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth." Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story... After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman." The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats." At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut." A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?" His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?" Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"! The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?" Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about", Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch". Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room". The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch. This gives Little Johnny a good idea. Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!" His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."