The best little Johnny jokes

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
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has 79.92 % from 646 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, teacher
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide. Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me." He replies: "Don't worry, teacher, I don't eat pork."
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has 79.81 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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has 79.60 % from 398 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, technology
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer. "Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first." Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?" Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie." "Very good," the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..." Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
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has 79.60 % from 236 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, little Johnny, money, teacher
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman." The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats." At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut." A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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has 79.55 % from 1182 votes. More jokes about: family, food, little Johnny, sex, Thanksgiving
Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
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has 79.49 % from 1454 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, sex
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?" Johnny says, "Seventy-three." The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..." She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl." Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
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has 79.44 % from 521 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, sex, teacher
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school." "How much special?" "Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
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has 79.38 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go the bathroom. He yelled out "Miss Jones I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now Johnny that is NOT the proper word to use in the situation. The correct word you want is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit then says " You're an eight but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"
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has 79.33 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
One day little Johnny with his aunt went to a zoo. Little Johnny pointed to a donkey that had a black and long erected penis more than 20 inches length. So he asked his aunt what was that. His aunt responded: "That is nothing" On the other month when he with his mother went to the zoo accidentally they met the same donkey with his long dick. Johnny pointing to it said to his mother: "Mommi my aunt told me that it was nothing." His mother laughed and said: "My dear it is nothing for your aunt!"
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has 79.23 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, little Johnny, time