The best little Johnny jokes

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer. "Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first." Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?" Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie." "Very good," the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..." Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
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has 81.22 % from 328 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, little Johnny, money, teacher
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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has 81.21 % from 554 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, little Johnny, teacher, wine
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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has 81.11 % from 511 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, technology
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
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has 81.06 % from 2022 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, sex, teacher
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
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has 80.78 % from 664 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, math, teacher
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
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has 80.75 % from 546 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, soccer
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. 'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny. 'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.' Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever. 'Now what is it ?' asked his dad. 'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'
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has 80.74 % from 439 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, money
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
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has 80.71 % from 717 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, teacher
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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has 80.63 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
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has 80.39 % from 442 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, old people