The best little Johnny jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
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More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, sex
Little Mary came back home after school and said, "Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!" The mother asked indignantly but in surprise, "And how did this happen?" "It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
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More jokes about: little Johnny, school
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer. "Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first." Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?" Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie." "Very good," the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..." Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
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More jokes about: dad, food, little Johnny, money, teacher
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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More jokes about: little Johnny, math, technology
There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookies. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry, "JONNY HUMPER HARDER!" Little Jonny yells, "I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!"
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Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. 'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny. 'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.' Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever. 'Now what is it ?' asked his dad. 'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'
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More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, money
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"! The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?" Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
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More jokes about: little Johnny, science, teacher
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
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More jokes about: little Johnny, teacher
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go the bathroom. He yelled out "Miss Jones I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now Johnny that is NOT the proper word to use in the situation. The correct word you want is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit then says " You're an eight but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"
Vote: has 78.05 % from 224 votes. Send joke:
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A priest asks Johnny if he's scared of Satan. Little Johnny says "I have nothing to be scared of you are the one that must be scared; you talk crap about him every Sunday..."
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More jokes about: communication, little Johnny, priest, religious