The best love jokes

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
Vote:
has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop, love, men
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: bar, love, racist
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, love
Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Vote:
has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, love, money, sex, Valentines day
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: death, love, women
There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
Vote:
has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, dog, love
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
Vote:
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: black humor, love, sport
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Vote:
has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, wife
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, love
"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?" "So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuck."
Vote:
has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, love, music, time
<<<1415
More jokes →
Page 14 of 15.