The best marriage jokes

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, marriage, men, single
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Vote: has 62.04 % from 428 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: catholic, husband, kids, marriage
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, marriage, old people, prison
Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries! Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
Vote: has 61.56 % from 156 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, marriage
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, women
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Vote: has 60.66 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, school
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, marriage, old people
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Vote: has 59.97 % from 249 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Vote: has 59.93 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, men
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Vote: has 59.49 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage