The best marriage jokes

Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before." So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, communication, marriage, mean, travel
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
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has 68.45 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage
A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous. "My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?" "I'd say you're a lesbian!"
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has 68.34 % from 311 votes. More jokes about: husband, lesbian, love, marriage, sex
After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
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has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, husband, marriage, wife
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, marriage, work
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
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