The best marriage jokes

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
A wife to her husband: "Honey, what are you doing?" "I'm reading our marriage certificate." "What for?" "I'm looking for the expiry date..."
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
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has 56.81 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
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has 56.78 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: marriage, school
Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent. "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
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has 56.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, marriage, viagra, wife
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 56.42 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
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has 56.30 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? A: They all get the house.
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has 56.16 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: marriage, weather, women
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
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has 56.16 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
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