The best old people jokes

A third old woman, full of happiness, asks her granddaughter; "My sweety, remind me please.. What’s the name of that German guy that blew my mind off...?" "Alzheimer, granny!"
Vote:
has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: old people
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: money, old people, time
A 65 year old blonde has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
Vote:
has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, old people
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote:
has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, drug, old people
”Hey grandma, did you see my pills? They write LSD on the box outside!” ”Screw the pills, didn’t you see the dragons in the kitchen?”
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: old people
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They're going to call her Old Spice.
Vote:
has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, music, old people
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week. One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Vote:
has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: game, old people
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: doctor, love, money, old people
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
Vote:
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote:
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people
<<<17181920
More jokes →
Page 17 of 23.