The best old people jokes

A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, doctor, drug, old people
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, old people
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, old people, time
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? ” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear. Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, old people
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, golf, old people
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, old people
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, its Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, old people, weather
Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch when one asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?” Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.” “No kidding! Like a brand new baby?” “Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people