The best programmer jokes

Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
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has 75.77 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: bar, IT, office, programmer, women
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university. After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast. Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ? The man hesitated for a second looking confused. Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
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has 75.74 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, programmer
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.33 % from 367 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: IT, money, programmer, work
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
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has 72.45 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: bar, IT, programmer
What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ? There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
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has 71.62 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
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has 71.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, computer, doctor, IT, programmer
Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.
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has 71.16 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive.
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has 70.61 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
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