Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ? There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.