Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom. Man says, "WTF?" Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people." Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?" Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch." The teacher said "When its my break." "Your break for what? the kid asks. "My break up" the teacher said.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Q:Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain? A:Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.