Joke #515

During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
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Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card." A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks. His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."
Vote: has 79.94 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

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Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Vote: has 68.19 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Vote: has 32.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
Vote: has 31.03 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Vote: has 46.63 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Vote: has 34.87 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
Vote: has 62.91 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

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Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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