The best soccer jokes

"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!" Grandpa: "Who's playing?" Grandson: "Austria-Hungary." Grandpa: "Against who?"
has 54.80 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: soccer
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green? Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
has 52.76 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, soccer, sport
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, soccer
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top. How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter." The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!" The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: soccer, sport
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
has 35.73 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer, sport
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, soccer, sport, wife
Football match Romania – Russia. Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia: “You’ve won! Stop. Congratulations! Stop. Oil! Stop. Gas! Stop...
has 27.88 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: soccer, sport
Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
has 23.67 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer, sport
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