The best teacher jokes

Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
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More jokes about: disgusting, fart, little Johnny, teacher
Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
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More jokes about: school, teacher
Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: music, teacher
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "what we are going to do today class is, I am going to give you a letter and I want someone to raise their hand and if l call on you l want you to give me a word that begins with that letter. So The teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple." "Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B" Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and says "please please pick me" so the teacher thinks for a moment and inside her head knows he'll say bitch or bastard, so she skips over Little Johnny and calls on Little Brad and Little Brad replies "boat." "Very good Brad" the teacher says. "Now how about C" the teacher asks. Immediately Little Johnny's eyes light up and this time says "oh pick me, pick me l know one" the teacher instantly goes right to Little Bobby and he says "car." "That's a good one Bobby." So the teacher does the same thing with the letter D and ignores Little Jonny raising his hand. Now the teacher says "You're all doing a great job class, how about E" this time Little Johnny stands up waving his arms begging for a chance. So the teacher pauses for a solid 10 to 15 seconds and can't think of one bad word that begins with the letter E. So she reluctantly calls on Little Johnny and Little Johnny very nicely and calmly says "Elephant" and before the much-relieved teacher can even exhale, Little Johnny puts both hands up out in front of himself approximately two feet apart and yells out "with a fucking cock this big!
Vote: has 81.21 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher
This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"
Vote: has 81.17 % from 455 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher
Teacher:Maria please point to America on the map. Maria:This is it. Teacher:Well done. Now class, who found America? Class:Maria did.
Vote: has 81.14 % from 350 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geography, school, teacher
A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating." The teacher says, "No, I said, fascinate." Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life." The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate." Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."
Vote: has 81.08 % from 765 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, life, little Johnny, student, teacher
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
Vote: has 80.93 % from 253 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, teacher
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
Vote: has 80.74 % from 1658 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, sex, teacher
Jimmy: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Jimmy: good, because i didn't do my homework.
Vote: has 80.43 % from 674 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher