The best wife jokes

A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street. He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish." The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka." When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses. She asks what they'll be drinking. He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her. It was the best vodka they'd ever had. The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass. She asks, "Why only one glass?" "Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, wife
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
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More jokes about: marriage, wife
Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age." Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, husband, wife, women
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, money, wife
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, wife
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife
My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been three days and I really miss him.
Vote: has 52.14 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
Vote: has 52.10 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife