The best wife jokes

A wife sending a short message to her husband: It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...
Vote: has 50.29 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, ugly, wife
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
Vote: has 50.22 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, wife
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
Vote: has 49.54 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, money, wife
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, wife
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Vote: has 48.71 % from 272 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, time, wife, work
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife